Two conversations about...

education, came today from two totally different directions. One conversation came from a dear friend who asked me what the impetus was for me to go on and get my masters. She knows I'd like to get a degree in Library Science/Multi Media Specialist.

Kristy asked because she knows how important my kids are in my life. She's afraid I'm going to let precious time slip by with my kids and that I'll wake up one day and not remember where the years went. I will have been so busy getting an education, and I'll regret it. To some a question like this may sound rude. Not to me, not from the friend who asked. She loves me unconditionally and she made me stop and think.

I do know why getting my bachelors is important to me.

My first memories of learning must have been when I was late three/early four years old. I remember my father trying to teach me how to write my name, and memorize my address and phone number. I must not have been catching on as quickly as he expected; I can still feel his frustration with me.

Now, I don't recall if he used the word 'stupid' or not, but like Maya Angelou says "you might not remember the words people say, but you always remember how they made you feel." I believe this incident set my thought patterns for how I felt as a young student through adulthood. I felt stupid.

In high school I failed chemistry. My father, trying to shame me into doing better said "You are wasting the schools time, I think I should take you down to the school and make you drop out." I spent soooo... much time being grounded for poor grades. Needless to say, report card time was my least favorite time of the school year. I frequently heard how I wasn't going to 'amount to anything'.

I knew by father's reactions to my grades, education was important, or he wouldn't have been so disappointed in my less than stellar GPA. When I graduated high school I believed I was to stupid to go to college. I knew education was important, but I felt it was out of my grasp. Why would I have thought anything else? From the time I was four, I was too stupid to write my own name. In a warped way my father convinced me education was important. Where he fell short was he didn't empower me with the confidence to master it. I'm now mastering it in spite of him. Not exactly a healthy way to go about the process.

In part, I believe that proving to my father and myself that I'm intelligent enough to accomplish this goal, is an impetus for me getting my bachelors. Now that I'm almost there, my bachelors doesn't seem like enough.

In my journey to get my degree there have been hurdles like childcare, self doubt, lack of finances, and academic struggles. God has provided a way for all of these.

God placed people to help me, like Kristy who babysat our first child (now 13), so I could attend college. God has put the classes I need at the just right time of day so I could take them and they wouldn't interfere with my kids schedules. This semester alone, God provided a class on Thursday nights (I don't usually take night classes) and then provided childcare, and made it so my children's activities didn't fall on Thursdays (unheard of) so I didn't have to beg others to taxi my kids around.

The self doubt hurdle has been overcome through prayer and by friends talking me out of quiting. My husband provides the best argument "I have to do it now as an example for the boys."

For the financial hurdle, God even provided money. I couldn't have taken classes the last two semester if it hadn't been for the generous gifts from my mom! She's even offered to pay for books. (I tried to get her to pay for room and board so I could live on campus, but my husband wasn't buying it.)

As far as academic struggles, I had to take 4 remedial math courses just to take college algebra and I passed that course by the skin of my chinny, chin, chin! But, I passed!

In college I carry a 3.63 GPA, while working part-time, with four children involved in scouts, sports, piano, tutoring and so on. My husband is a boat captain, he's out to sea more than he's home. I keep the house, cook the meals, do the grocery shopping, walk the dog, help with homework, taxi the boys their various activities, daily devotionals, the laundry and you know the routine usually four things break at once and the hubby isn't home to handle it. I also teach bible class (only one semester a year right now), and responsible for the 5th Sunday fellowship meal, and help my husband, who is the deacon of children's ministry. Taking two classes a semester is a hurdle unto its self considering everyday life.

So why do I want a masters? Human nature? Because we aren't satisfied with what we have? Maybe! Maybe I still feel stupid, and I'm looking for that to satisfy the old fear that higher education is out of my grasp. Maybe one day I'll actually want a career that pays well. (We do have four to put through college.)

Now, as an adult, I love school and learning. I love how I can literally feel my mind expanding when I sit in a classroom or write papers. I'd go to school forever if I could, just for the pure joy of knowledge.

I believe all of the above are why I want to go on: human nature, grasping for what's out of reach (there's also a part of me that's afraid I'm not intelligent enough to get into grad. school.), a career with a good salary, and the joy of knowledge. Don't we all have various reasons for goals?

I know if God wants me to go on, he'll provide a way, like he has for my bachelors. I pray about it. I plan to take my GRE's and apply to schools in the winter. Lord willing, I'll be in an on-line program that will take approximately three years.

I owe many thanks to all of you who have supported me in so many ways for so many years with childcare, prayer, praise, money, meals, and confidence in me when I didn't have it in myself, while I work on my bachelors. Thanks Kristy for making me think about its purpose and the purpose of future education.

Thank you Lord, Without you I can do nothing! With you, I 'amount to something' special, an "Heir to The King." What can be better than that?