A brothers love…

Will hopefully be measured by the inverse amount and inverse feeling of animosity felt in ones youth toward a sibling.

Let me explain…

My oldest two boys have a great deal of animosity for one another on occasions. Likewise, my second son has expressed the same animosity for the third son on occasions. Now in turn, the third son is displaying animosity for the youngest on occasions. I’m sure you are familiar with the ole’ pecking order of things? I really don’t get it. I’m even exasperated by it at times. I was once told “don’t allow it.” I denounce and discourage it every time someone says something negative. Still they tear each other down at times. We’ve had devotions in God’s word about it. I’ve talked until I’m blue in the face and prayed with them. We’ve talked about Cain and Able. We’ve talked about satan’s foothold that they’re allowing. Still there are times when they treat a friend better than their own brother.

There are--occasional glimpses of hope from one camp more than the other. An example is last week, Wesley made Zack a birthday card stating “Dear Zack, I have lived with you for 11 years. We fight and argue most of the time, and we have ups downs. But last year we both made a commitment to God. We need to pray and help each other be stronger in the word of God. These eleven years were good and bad but most of the time good." [sic] Wesley was extending the olive branch.

Fast forward a week...

Tuesday, they came up stairs screaming and hollering. Once the dust settled and I could see who was what, we sat and talked, read God’s word, cried, and prayed. This time, I appealed to the boys with marriage vows I once heard. The groom wrote to the bride “I will do my best to help you get to heaven.” Wow! I’ve loved this idea for many, many years. If my boys could see each other as precious souls in need of help getting to heaven, rather than a person, then would they do all they could to help each other get to heaven? To me this idea gets at the very heart of what we are about, serving each other.

Still I know the seed of animosity has been planted and is growing and I think I've contributed to it. I was first aware of it when Zack was five and I had to make the choice to not attend something because of Wesley’s behavior. Zack turned to me and said “we miss so much things BECAUSE OF HIM.” In that instant his words were both confirming and cursing. I thought “If even a five year old feels the tension that I’ve been feeling, then I wasn’t crazy.” The curse was, I knew animosity was beginning to be planted in Zack’s heart against his brother. Worse yet, I may have helped satan plow the ground because of my reactions to Wesley in Zack’s presence. Satan is tricky. He takes even the innocent hearts of children and begins the cultivating process at a young age with the help of the child’s own mother.

I often worry, like many mothers, about the impressions I’m leaving on my children when I handle a situation poorly. What irreparable damage am I causing? How am I contributing to the likelihood that they won’t put God first?

People keep telling me they will turn around one day, and love each other with as much passion that they once hated each other with. I’m prayerful.

How about you? Do you think of people in terms of helping them get to heaven? For me, when I place that kind of responsibility on myself, I become more prayerful about the people in my life. I become more tolerant of their human qualities. I forgive more easily. I try not to be the stumbling block that discourages.

If only I could translate it into a language my lil' chicks could understand…so that they will one day love each other with the inverse amount of animosity they feel toward each other while growing up.