Being a mother...

is curious to me. It always has been. I remember in kindergarten my teacher went around asking us "What do you want to be when you grow up?" I was only five, I hadn't given it much thought until she coaxed it out of me. I said "A lawyer." In my heart I wanted to be a housewife, notice I didn't say a mother or stay-at-home mom, just a housewife. I knew then I didn't want children or a career. I didn't get children, I didn't get myself most of the time. I felt like an old lady in the skin of an unsure child.

I believe that teacher accomplished what all good teachers should; ask a thought provoking question that stands the test of time, where the answer is always being re-evaluated.


I think some of the idea of being a stay-at-home wife was from how eloquently my own mother handled the task. She had been groomed to be a homemaker, and like all things my mother tackled, she did it with all her heart. NEVER a complaint, always with joy as if she were serving royalty. I now know as an heir the King, she was serving royalty. To this day, I can't put an undershirt or sock away wrong side out. As we would fold clothes together she would say "your dad works so hard for us, it's the least we can do to make his morning easier so he doesn't have to hassle with it." My mother was training me to be a homemaker, I suppose it was assumed, I'd be a mom too.

Every so often I ask myself the question my kindergarten teacher asked. I can say for certain I don't want to be a lawyer. What I am certain of, I'm a mom...

Being a mother has shown me that two opposing forces can live inside one person, not in peace though. There are times when I can pull patience out of the furthest extremities of my body and surprise myself; yet, there are times when I surprise myself when I had more patience for a stranger at the grocery store than I did for my own flesh. Why? How do these two things reside in one person? Like all things they have a purpose. The purpose... I can see God from both angles. I see Him when I am patient with my children, beyond what I thought possible. I know it was His strength that carried me through. Likewise, I can see the lack of His presence when I'm impatient.

When I look on faces of my boys, I see Jesus (mostly). I see Him in the things they do and say about Him, that shock me. Sometimes they have a spiritual understanding that I didn't until I saw it from their perspective. When I think of raising them and serving them as a mother I remember they too, are heirs to the King!

I know what I want to be when I grow up! A mom. I am who I am, because God lent me sons. God used them to shape His spirit in me into something worthy for a King. I am an heir to The King, raising heirs to The King. Priceless!