Yesterday I lost sight...

of the fact that all my days were ordained by God before I was even born. I usually refer to it in the not so spiritual terms of "Someone else is living the life I'm supposed to be living."

You see, in the life someone else is living that I'm supposed to be living my husband has a job where he comes home every night. The only issue with finances would be 'Where will we spend our next vacation-- Hot or Cold weather?' or 'Which color should we get the Escalade in? "Oh really! I was thinking Gold Mist." His spiritual insight and intellect would be the same as mine (you know in keeping with unity), and he'd be wise enough to always make the right choices. His spiritual walk would be one to mimic by man and beast.

In the life someone else is living that I'm supposed to be living my children would cause only minor stresses, and they'd know I'm the kind of mom they could share any thought or idea with and that I wouldn't judge them, and they'd never say I hate you, or "I can't wait to grow up" (which is code for you drive me insane I can't wait to move out. Fortunately I haven't heard this yet, but I know it's coming.) I would never compare my children to others, even just in my mind. I would appreciate my boys equally all the time. My children would wear clothes that match because they wanted to, not because I made them, church clothes wouldn't be a shirt with a collar (that would be play clothes), church clothes would have a collar and tie. Never a cross word would be uttered from their lips for a sibling, they'd all be sincerely spiritual, high academic and athletic achievers, self motivated and would have full scholarships to christian colleges.

In the life someone else is living that I'm supposed to be living I'd think as much of myself as God does, I'd always have a positive attitude-- looking at life with rose colored glasses and the glass half full.

In the life someone else is living that I'm supposed to be living fat doesn't exist (nor do sagging, glasses, hair color, and bladder incontinence {from laughing , sneezing or coughing}, dry skin, or a need to pluck & tweeze). Eating healthy wouldn't be an issue it would be a way of life, so would exercise.

In the life someone else is living that I'm supposed to be living I'd be an overachiever, you know the kind where Mensa knocked on my door and begged for my membership, except I'd have common sense and be pretty too, not just a high IQ.

In the life someone else is living that I'm supposed to be living I'd get along with everyone (yes even the in-laws). I wouldn't be burdened by so many pet peeves (gum cracking, ice crunching, snot sucking {use a tissue for heaven sakes}, pen clicking, eating with mouth open, talking while chewing, humming, whistling...I think you get the picture?)

In the life someone else is living that I'm supposed to be living I'd be turning down House & Garden's request for interviews and photo shoots of our home that I've decorated impeccability all by myself. I'd keep it as neat as a pin with no evidence that four young gentlemen reside here. All the socks would be matched and all the clothes hung on hangers or perfectly folded and put away while still warm from the dryer. Martha Stewart would be out of a job. Every guest that comes through my door would feel kindred warmth, welcomed, special and honored. Our home would be comfortable for them like a favorite pair of jeans. But when they left they'd feel like they had been guests at the Waldorf Astoria, where they'd eaten tasty fare from the likes of Barefoot Contessa, except on fine china--hand wash only please!

In the life someone else is living that I'm supposed to be living my childhood would have been perfect which would have given me the foundation I needed to become all God intended. I wouldn't have any baggage to keep me from being the Godly spouse, parent, friend, child and sister I need to be.

In the life someone else is living that I'm supposed to be living I'd shop in NY for my wardrobe, get my hair cut in NY and see a play monthly after dining at some off the beaten path restaurant in Hell's kitchen or the Village.

In the life someone else is living that I'm supposed to be living my spiritual life would be one to envy-- I'd never fall asleep in a prayer, I'd read my Bible everyday without fail or excuse, I could quote scripture-- chapter and verse, and teach classes so moving that Beth Moore would need to find a new career, and like my children (who learned from me of course) I would be genuinely spiritual from sitting at Jesus feet daily. There would never be bitterness (from real or imagined circumstances) envy, or judgement in my heart. Finally, I would exude humility, love, faith and all those fruits in Galatians.

I don't know what I'll do if I ever run into the woman whose living the life I'm supposed to be living? I really don't...

In Bible class on Sunday, Melva read a scripture that I needed to hear in order to pull myself out the the pity party I was having over being a mediocre member of society. She reminded me that I AM LIVING THE LIFE GOD INTENDED ME TO LIVE. I know it's taboo to acknowledge publicly that I don't sit around everyday of the year counting all my blessings. I realize that some will chastise me later. If you can't forgive my lack of mental filter and transparency I know someone who can. God is always faithful and patient. He reminds me gently like He did in Bible class yesterday, that I need an attitude adjustment. Thank you Lord!

Here's what The King said to me:

"For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body. ALL THE DAYS ORDAINED FOR ME WERE WRITTEN IN YOUR BOOK BEFORE ONE OF THEM CAME TO BE." (Psalm 139:13-16)

Do you see how he made it sound like that came from my perspective? He could have been one of the those fathers who said "I created you...you will praise me...I ordained..."

Even with that divine knowledge, I'm struggling with the fact that all the socks aren't matched! Go figure? I think I'll go finish my cornbread...now where is that paper plate? Ah, here it is next to the hair dye and tweezers...

Oh, and did I mention in the life someone else is living that I'm supposed to be living hormones would NEVER affect my personality?

(NOTE: YES, THIS IS A GROSS COMEDIC EXAGGERATION, don't panic, I haven't gone mad, YET.)