It must be....

ADD that keeps my mind reeling in a hundred different directions thereby handicapping my brain from sorting out all that is swirling in my head so I'm unable to make heads or tales of my thoughts to produce something productive (to be read with one breath). Seriously! Don't laugh.

Here's just a few things I can't seem to process: Relationships- fragile, afraid of damaging some beyond repair, learning of two families crumbling, heartbroken, knowing it could happen to mine, scares me as much as cancer. While we're on that. Cancer- seemingly inevitable, for many reasons. A bubble- I'd move into a protective bubble with my family, the world, friends, judgements, lack of grace, condemnation, being left out, left behind, left over, overlooked, misunderstood etc...hurts. Children- still learning to be a parent, I have one shot four times, what if I get it all wrong, what if they don't chose HIM? Marriage-blessed beyond my wildest dreams, yet-not always appreciative, shame on me. Weight- there's so much of it, but not just on my hips, also on my shoulders and mind. God is good- so why do I not always see it, don't answer that, I know the answer, and that scares me as much as relationships crumbling and cancer. Hard wiring- must be all wrong, I'm stubborn, not organized, not goal oriented the list could go on, realist, idealist, optimistic, pessimistic- why? Again, don't answer that. I know the answer.Knowing the answer and having the ability to work toward that answer, are two different things.

I know I was fearfully and wonderfully made. I don't question that. I don't question my faith. There's still so much I don't understand and that scares me too.

I'm thankful The King provides shelter, even from myself. Psalm 61:4 "I long to dwell in your tent forever and take refuge in the shelter of your wings. Selah"